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Renaissance Dad: No Chain-mail Required

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Honor [on’-er]

verb

    1. regard with great respect.

       synonyms: highly esteem, admire, defer to, look up to, think highly of.

Back in the old days, it was easy for us guys to show honor to our wives. Just don your armor, hop on your horse, and ride off to slay a dragon.

Piece o’ cake.

Nowadays . . . not so much.

First of all, obviously dragons were a lot easier to find back then. They were practically on every corner, like a medieval Starbucks (but with less of a burnt smell). Sure, you ran the risk of ending the day looking like charred bacon, but the commute to work was an easy one, and the goal was pretty straightforward.

Good luck finding one lousy dragon these days! I think global warming may have killed them off, or the hippies smoked them all.

Either way, I blame Al Gore.

Plus, everyone had a horse, and a place to keep them. All of England was basically a giant horse pasture. (“Pasture”: from the French, meaning: a place where horses poop wherever they want . . . so wear boots.) You think those whiners on your homeowner’s association board freaked out when you parked your boat on the street? Just wait and see what they do when they catch you digging your Prius out of a garage full of Mr. Ed’s . . . um . . . byproducts.

(Historical Note: Knights very seldom named their horses Mr. Ed.)

And, have you priced a suit of armor in eBay lately? The shipping alone is a mother, and don’t even get me started on the quality of modern chain-mail.

Yes, it was so much easier back then. . . .

If I were a knight, I’d just gallop up to her window, plop down a steamin’ bag o’ dragon head, and BAM: one swooning damsel, whose beauty and virtue nearly outweigh the fact that she only bathes every other leap year.

So, there are no dragons to be slayed these days, armor has gone out of fashion, and horses are frowned upon in most condos.

But that doesn’t mean we can’t still honor our wives.

To read more, pick up a copy of the May 2019 issue at any of these locations, or view the digital archive copy here.

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About Author

Perry P. Perkins is a third-generation chef, award-winning writer, and culinary instructor. He lives with his family in Longview, and operates the MY KITCHEN Outreach Program, for at-risk and under-served youth. His writing has appeared in numerous publications, including sixteen “Chicken Soup for the Soul” anthologies. He is also a reoccurring guest-chef on AM Northwest. More of Perry’s work can be found on Amazon at www.perryperkinsbooks.com, and his cooking blog at www.chefperryperkins.com.

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