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Surrogacy Stories: Finding My Courage

Surrogacy Stories: Finding My Courage

Empowerment. Compassion. A whole new way of seeing the world. These are all common outcomes of the surrogacy experience—a special method of forming a family that positively impacts the lives of many, including mine.

My name is Wendie Wilson-Miller, and I’ve been working in the field of assisted reproduction (also known as surrogacy) for over 20 years. As a five-time egg donor myself, I know the challenges that accompany the surrogacy experience, as well as the blessings. Over the coming months, and as a native of Southwest Washington, and owner of a Portland-area surrogacy agency, I’ll be sharing “Surrogacy Stories”—first-hand stories from the point of view of our amazing surrogates. My hope is to spread the word about what the experience is like and how many different kinds of families benefit from the service that these selfless women provide.

Krystle is a two-time surrogate with All Families Surrogacy who has now also joined our team to help others give the same gift she has given. She was so profoundly connected to the process, both as a doula and surrogate, that when she reached out to inquire about a position in my company, it was a no-brainer to bring her on board. With a degree in engineering and a heart for making babies, she has a particularly personal and unique view on the world of assisted reproduction. Here is Krystle’s story about her first surrogacy journey, in her own words:

“You were so in control and seemed to have such a knowing of what was going on.”

When I heard that from my birth doula, my jaw almost hit the floor. My surrogacy birth was very fast, super intense, and I felt like a train without brakes plowing down a giant mountain. With all the somewhat chaotic processing going on inside my mind and body, apparently outwardly I seemed at peace with everything that was happening.

Looking back, I now know I was falling into the “chaos” of birthing both my sweet surrogate baby and myself. I had such a deep intention surrounding this birth that I also “birthed” myself into the next stage of my life. I was bringing forth this new powerful woman I knew I could be and wanted to be. I became a woman who walks in this world with benevolent compassion and no self-pity.

I was fulfilling my own dream of spending nine months carrying, loving, holding, growing, and cherishing a little being of energy to simultaneously fulfill the dream of someone else to have a family – and that profoundly changed me. My pregnancy ultimately revealed to me that my true passion is helping others, particularly supporting women during their birthing year, including their pregnancy, birth, and postpartum period. The part of my life-altering selfless act that felt so right was that, once this miracle baby was born, I was affirmed by letting her go. I got to release her to bring that love and joy and magic that I have experienced with my own children to others. I had the joy and opportunity to see her parents experience the magnificence of new life. The euphoria I felt by being able to give such deserving parents this little beauty was far beyond what I expected. Even though there was a part of me that wondered if it might be hard, in the end it all felt so right simply seeing her in her parents’ loving arms and the unadulterated joy on their faces.

Birthing my surrogate baby helped me to create a space and strength within myself I never knew existed. I was able to release self doubt, let go of the “I don’t know,” and find my courage and my empowered self.

Featured photo: Proud fathers Lior Hadas and Tomer Mayaan, of Israel, meet their new baby moments after surrogate Krystle gave birth, December 2018 at Providence St Vincent Medical Center in Portland. Photo courtesy of Krystle Gard, and used with permission.

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Wendie Wilson-Miller is the owner of Gifted Journeys Egg Donation and Surrogacy and All Families Surrogacy. She is also the president of the Society for Ethics in Egg Donation and Surrogacy (SEEDS), and the co-author of the book, “The Insider’s Guide to Egg Donation: A Compassionate and Comprehensive Guide for All Parents-To-Be,” published by Demos Health in 2012. A native of Southwest Washington, she has lived in Southern California since 2000.

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