Surrogacy Stories: Amanda’s Seed
As the owner of two surrogacy agencies, Gifted Journeys and All Families Surrogacy, I have had the honor of helping many hopeful parents become families over the years, and couldn’t imagine a more fulfilling career. As an egg donor myself, I know that every experience is unique. That’s why, throughout 2021, I’m sharing a few special experiences of surrogates who have sacrificed greatly to help families bring children into their lives, in a special exclusive series for Vancouver Family Magazine called “Surrogacy Stories.” This month, meet Amanda. She dreamed of becoming a surrogate for years before it became a reality. Here is her experience, in her own words:
The seed that grew into my eventual desire to become a surrogate was planted when I was still quite young. When I was 18, I met someone who was carrying twin girls for another couple. I remember thinking that she was giving the most incredible gift, helping someone create their family. I didn’t have children of my own at the time, and I wasn’t anywhere close to being mature or experienced enough to make the decision to become a surrogate. Nevertheless, I already knew then that if I ever had the opportunity, it was something I wanted to seriously consider.
Fast-forward about six years. By then, I was married, we had two beautiful children of our own, and I knew my own family was complete. I had already mentioned the possibility of becoming a surrogate to my husband a number of times, but it was the first time we both felt like it was the right time in our lives to pursue it. We dove headfirst into the research phase. I read blogs, listened to podcasts, and watched YouTube videos. I wanted to know everything involved in the process from start to finish. How much would we have to travel? What kinds of doctor appointments would be involved? What are the most common medications used? After months of extensive research, we finally felt like we had a fairly good idea of what we were getting ourselves into and were ready to start looking for an agency.
I looked at hundreds of surrogacy websites and review boards. I narrowed my search down to about five of the most promising agencies, and from there I did even more exhaustive research of those five. I had initial phone consultations with two, and Gifted Journeys was the clear winner. From my very first email interaction with Wendie Wilson-Miller, it felt different. Every other correspondence with other agencies just felt cold and impersonal. I felt like a uterus they wanted to stick a number on and send down the line for processing. Wendie, on the other hand, was warm and genuine. I could tell right away that not only is she incredibly passionate about what she does, but she would move heaven and earth to make sure I felt safe and comfortable with every step of the process. She never once exposed me to any part of the journey that wasn’t exactly what I had envisioned. Gifted Journeys was not only the best choice for me as an agency, they have become a part of my family.
Finally starting the process was both exciting and a little nerve-racking. You obviously go into the screening process hoping everything will look great and you’ll be good to go, but you truly have no idea. The doctors thoroughly examine things that have never been checked before. As this evaluation stage unfolds, you have no idea if there will be scar tissue or polyps in your uterus or some other deficiency until they get in there and check it all out. I’m so thankful, that everything for me was picture perfect. My screening simply involved an ultrasound of my uterus, some basic blood work, and a thorough psychological screening to make sure I was emotionally and psychologically suitable for the surrogacy process.
After I was carefully screened and determined to be a suitable candidate, I entered the matching process. I eagerly waited to receive a notice that I had potential matches, and it finally came! It was honestly like Christmas morning. I loved reading profiles of various different prospective parents and hearing all about their challenging journeys to create their families. If I felt like particular family resonated with me, and that we may be a “good match,” the agency would schedule a Zoom call for our initial match meeting. I’ve had three match calls for three successive journeys, and all three couples were incredible and were successful matches. Each journey is unique and has its own dynamic, but I would never trade any of the relationships I’ve built in the process.
Not everything about being a surrogate is positive. There are definitely parts of surrogacy that are less then comfortable. I don’t know anyone who enjoys intramuscular injections for ten weeks or getting a hysteroscopy. It certainly isn’t glamorous, and it definitely can have its painful moments, but all of those painful moments are worth it when you get to see someone hold their baby for the first time.
The biggest stress I’ve come across during a surrogacy journey has been COVID-19-related. Surrogacy is demanding and complicated enough, and when you throw in a global pandemic, there are all of a sudden a million other things that impact the process and are completely out of your control. Dealing with all the complicated medical, legal, and pandemic-related issues is surely not for the faint of heart. Thankfully, balanced against those challenging aspects was the part of surrogacy I enjoyed the most, which was building my close relationships with everyone involved. I treasured my relationships with my agency, the doctors and nurses at the fertility and obstetric clinics, and, most especially, the parents. I love getting to know people on a deep personal level, and there is nothing more personal then helping aspiring parents build a family.
The pregnancy itself is definitely far from normal. During the first ten weeks, there are hormone injections to help preserve the pregnancy, constant ultrasounds to check its status, and innumerable blood draws. It is demanding and exhausting. The good news is, once you hit that ten-week mark, you get to start working with your own obstetrician and, from there on, it’s pretty much just a normal pregnancy physically. From a psychological perspective, however, it feels very different. I knew the baby I was carrying would not be and was never mine. I wasn’t preparing emotionally or practically to receive the baby into my home. I wasn’t decorating a nursery or buying baby clothes. The emotional and practical preparation was all the parents’ responsibility—and joy. I was just carrying my little belly buddy for their benefit, so nothing in my life changed that much other than being pregnant and going to doctor’s appointment. For me, it was just kind of business as usual. The big difference for me was that when I felt the occasional kicks during my surrogate pregnancies, those pokes reminded me how incredible science is and how amazing it is that you can help someone grow their family this way.
When the time arrived for the birth, it was incredible. First of all, I was very nervous. After all, having a baby hurts! But like all my previous births, everything went perfectly smoothly, and then the physical pain was followed by the emotional high. When each baby was born, there was never a dry eye in the delivery room. My husband likes to tease me about the fact that I leaned over to him immediately after my first surrogate birth and told him I wanted to do it again while they were still stitching me up. That birth was really like crossing the finish line at the end of a marathon. It was amazing. Because our first journey was so amazing, I just knew I wasn’t done. I definitely wanted to be able to give that gift again. Despite the fact that we definitely had some hiccups during our second journey during the pandemic, and it was ultimately not seen to its conclusion, it was still just as rewarding as the first and the one I am currently on. I am so thankful everything has worked out exactly the way it was always supposed to for all my journeys. My surrogate pregnancies are among the most defining accomplishments of my life thus far.
Featured photo: Amanda poses in the hospital room with the parents of the child she carried for them.
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