In 2013, Christina Keys’s life drastically changed. Her mother, Patricia, suffered from a near fatal stroke, leaving her paralyzed from the neck down and unable to speak. With doctors giving Patricia only a 1% chance of survival, Keys moved into the hospital alongside her mother for four months, leaving only once a week to go home and change out her suitcase. In the hospital, Keys created 300 flashcards using pictures of her mother’s life while helping her relearn how to talk. When she wheeled her mother out of the hospital, the paralysis was down to only one side. “I knew that love was the most important thing she needed to motivate her,” says Keys.

After her mother was released from the hospital, Keys had an even bigger challenge ahead of her. A successful career woman in tech who says she knew how to take care of cats but not people, Keys left the hospital with only a short list of in-home care agencies and senior living placements. She had to make the abrupt transition from a daughter to a nurse, an occupational therapist, a physical therapist, a speech therapist and a doctor. “I had to figure out things like how to put together a hospital bed, figure out how and where to source medical equipment,” she says, adding, “I didn’t even know how to go about finding a caregiver for adults.”

Hoping she could turn to doctors and hospitals for advice, she left with very little information. Without training and with only limited resources, Keys set about researching and carving a path to care for her mother with all the love and dignity she deserved.

A Heavy Load

Keys remarks that this time was immensely challenging and often very lonely. “I felt bankrupt emotionally, physically, spiritually, mentally and financially,” she says. The financial costs of caregiving were immense, and Keys had to leave her job because she had used up all her sick days taking her mother to medical appointments and hospital stays. At this time, doctors informed Christina that her own body was shutting down because of all the stress, and that she herself would not have much longer to live if she kept going at that rate. Keys was not alone—numerous studies cite risks of caregivers passing away before their charges do because their own needs often go neglected.

When the time comes that an aging family member needs help, the adjustments required are like ripples that spread and change the face of everything around. My own mother relocated to her hometown in California to move in with her parents near the end of their lives. She describes it as both an honor and an emotionally depleting time.

Vancouver resident and preschool teacher, Denise Rhodes, speaks to her experience caregiving for both her mother and in-laws.  “My mother had bladder cancer, and we moved her in with us for the last four months of her life.” With young children in the home, seeing her mother to the end was important to Rhodes, but adds that her next experience was immensely more challenging. “We had to move my father-in-law to Vancouver from Colorado because of his dementia,” she says. Although they had no room in their own home and had to admit him into a care facility, he required multiple visits a day and the mental and emotional toll was great.

Curating Caregiver Resources

While each caregiving experience is unique, Keys knew things needed to change when she looked at the raw numbers. For example, as of 2019 in Clark County, 49,500 people identified as caregivers and the national number leaps to over 53 million.

It was the amount of time and energy it took to scavenge for caregiving resources and information during her personal journey that propelled Keys to make this information more readily available to others. She began compiling resources and putting together classes featuring experts on everything from downsizing to what to do before, during and after the funeral. She eventually began offering an annual senior and family caregiver resource fair because she realized most people are paying attention to the seniors, and neglecting to notice the person behind the wheelchair who is responsible for making everything happen.

Loving Them Forward

Through meeting others who had been caregivers and were facing similar challenges, Keys founded the nonprofit Loving Them Forward alongside Debbie Russell and Ruth Cunningham. “It’s easy to feel like you’re failing because the person you’re taking care of isn’t getting better,” says Keys. The name Loving Them Forward signifies the process of seeing a loved one through the end of life and onto the next stage with dignity and care.

Loving Them Forward helps direct people to medical supply closets, support groups, real estate agents who specialize in downsizing and disability accessibility, and any other possible resources needed in a caregiving experience. They also prioritize resources for caregivers to take care of themselves. The group works to stay hyper local to give people in Clark County the most specific and relevant resources available. Keys and her coworkers are committed to getting to know the people who come to them, and the first question they always ask is: “Tell me about your care journey.”

A Caregiver Christmas

It was during the holiday season of 2020 that Keys and her co-founders thought about what they could do to make the season a little easier on caregivers. “This is often a really challenging time for caregivers,” says Keys. “There’s usually little to no leftover funds for decorations or gifts or time to spend with family.” She recalls that while her mother was in an end-of-life coma, her only Christmas wish was finding a friend who could help her change her mother’s diaper so she could give her mother a little bit of dignity. She knew she wasn’t alone.

Wanting to spread some joy and acknowledge the immense workload of caregivers, Keys and partners decided to host a drive-through event, calling it A Caregiver Christmas. Through collaboration with community partners and local businesses who donated, the group created 300 gift bags, each containing $75 worth of goodies. “We didn’t realize how successful it would be,” she says, noting that the drive-through event caused a two-hour back up on the freeway. The next year they moved the Caregiver Christmas event to the Clark County Fairgrounds and gifted 1,500 gift bags to caregivers.

As caregivers arrive at A Caregiver Christmas to pick up their gift bags, they are welcomed with decorated booths, signs, messages and volunteers delivering joy, support and appreciation. These messages are often things that caregivers don’t always hear, so during the third year of the event, they added a TLC booth. “Usually at least half of the people who drive through the line are crying by the time they get to the end because they haven’t experienced that kind of joy in a while,” says Keys. If people going through the line are struggling or feeling emotional, the TLC booth is filled with volunteers who are there to provide hugs, tissues, prayers or a listening ear.

This year, the fourth annual Caregiver Christmas is being co-produced by Loving Them Forward and PNW Aging Specialty Services and will offer 750 gift bags valued at $100 each.

Keys speaks candidly about how this would be impossible without community support, and the gift bags are truly lovely tokens of appreciation. “We do give away resources, but the gift bags are full of nice gifts, not free corporate giveaways,” she says. Contributions from all over the community include gifts, but also donations of food and drink for the numerous volunteers it takes to pull off such an event.

Regular contributors to A Caregiver Christmas include Hope Dementia Support Group, Mortgage Express, Dutch Bros, Jimmy Johns, Pizza Hut, Krispy Kreme and Starbucks among many others. All sorts of agencies come together to decorate and represent numerous holidays and keep the line festive, and most importantly appreciative. “This is our chance to bring some joy to people whose jobs are often invisible,” says Keys.  

To be a recipient of this year’s Caregiver Christmas gift bag, you must be a family or professional caregiver in Clark County, and pre-register for a free ticket to the event. The drive-through event will be held from 12-5 pm on December 6, 2023 at the Clark County Fairgrounds, and caregivers must be present to receive the gift.

If you are not a caregiver, but want to be a part of spreading the joy at this year’s Caregiver Christmas, there are numerous ways to get involved. Donations, gift cards or items purchased through the organization’s Amazon Wishlist are all welcomed ways to support this event. “You never know what a gift card might do for someone. It’s possible this is the only Christmas gift they will get this year,” says Keys. There are also opportunities to volunteer at the event to be a part of spreading joy for others.

Keys lost her mother, Patricia, in December of 2022, but says the nonprofit continues to do the work in her honor as well as all the other loved ones the group has cared for. “She was our legacy founder,” says Keys. “She was always so supportive and very proud of the fact that we were using our care journey to turn a test into a testimony to help other families.”

This holiday season let’s remember to look around and uplift those around us doing the invisible and sometimes thankless labor of caring for others. We never know who may need it the most.

To register for A Caregiver Christmas, receive resources, volunteer, donate or locate the Amazon Wishlist, go to lovingthemforward.org, email lovingthemforward@gmail.com or call 360-524-4344.

Read the full November 2023 issue below.

Check out our Community Calendar for more holiday events and festivities!